A: Get comfortable with transparently communicating your honest sexual thoughts, urges and fantasies. If you can make it short, enticing, and/or creative, you’ve got it made.
A: Totally normal! But it’s important to consider the reasons why. Most people who feel shaky about it are usually either:
Oftentimes, we let fear of showing our sexual side rob us of so much exciting erotic potential, because we don’t want to turn someone off, or seem like a pervert and trigger their disgust reflex.
In other words, we’re run by a fear of being rejected for our sexuality. This can stem from so many different things, but it’s up to each of us to examine the roots of any sexual shame we might be carrying, which 99 out of 100 people deal with (made up statistic, but accurate) so don’t go thinking you’re weird or broken in some way. Just don’t let that shit sabotage your sex(t) life.
You ultimately don’t want to be reading off a list, but should be able to generate sexting content just based off what’s happening for you in real time
Other people are just more business-focused with their text communication. If most of your writing involves e-mailing in a professional office context, you’ve been trained to be more conservative, diplomatic and mechanical. Sexting, by necessity, breaks all of that down. So it’s normal at first to feel at a loss for what to say, or worry you might be crossing serious lines by saying it.
But, good news! Like with anything erotic, gradual escalation is all part of thrill. You build up and take the next step as it’s safe and appropriate to do so. That said, you will inevitably have to face that initial mild panic when you put yourself out there for the first time with someone new (though the sheer exhilaration from seeing their positive response is like plunging into a bath of chocolate pudding – No? Only my fantasy? Moving on then).
– Escalating slowly. Gradually increase the level of explicitness from innocent to hardcore as you play off of each other and the relationship develops naturally.
– Reframing your nerves. If you come up against that building anxiety as you’re typing the message, take a breath and think, “Good! I feel really nervous and excited because this is something I’ve never done before. I’m in totally new territory. Hooray for growth! *hits send*”
– Getting explicit consent. You can easily build consent into the exchange. Feeling invited to show your/their naughtier side is usually all that’s needed to crack open. It changes the energy of the whole situation. Once you know they actually WANT to hear your sexual thoughts, you’ll feel way safer their explanation to put them out there. Plus leading with a question just adds playfulness and anticipation.
Sexting is all about baby steps
Instead of just making a remark, lead with a question. Ex. “Would you like to know what my favourite part of your body is?” or “Remember when you [insert innocent moment]?” – follow up – “For some reason that was ridiculously sexy. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
Alternatively, just ASK FIRST if they’d be down for it! Say you’ve been wanting to do it and would turn you on but want to make sure they’re into it.
– Injecting humour. Instead of starting off serious and intense, it might help you to be lighter and playful about it at first, just to introduce the subject matter. Make it about getting them to smile and laugh, versus want to drop everything and have sex right then and there.